EXCLUSIVE: Documents Suggest AG Candidate Matt Krause is Dirty

State Representative Matt Krause out of Fort Worth announced Thursday his bid to challenge Attorney General Ken Paxton in the Republican Primary in 2022.

Krause joins former Justice and sultry Latina Eva Guzman as well as George Pee Bush in what is becoming a crowded field. George Pee Bush, who is the most diverse Bush we have seen thus far, is not polling well early due to the perception that he is constantly urinating into shrubs and ornamentals.

Ken Paxton, was first elected in 2014.

Matt Krause (top left), Eva Guzman (right), Pee Bush (bottom left)

Matt Krause had a very good showing in the last year as a seasoned lawmaker as we’ve highlighted here and here.

In December 2020, Krause filed a bill that would rein in Greg “Deals On Wheels” Abbott from designating mega corporations as “essential” by decree while punishing small businesses as “non-essential.”

Later, Krause triggered coomers and other porn obsessed losers by calling for an investigation into Pornhub.

(Reminder that we at Current Revolt call for a full ban on porn and if you’re a man that looks at porn regularly you should absolutely stop. If anything for just the health reasons.)

However, upon receiving word that Matthew Archibald Krause was seeking election for such a critical position within the Texas government, our staff began a rigorous vetting process which consists of slaving over TEC reports for hours upon hours.

What we found shook us to the core.

We have reason to believe that Krause may be working to become more physically dominant in order to alpha his way into the role of Attorney General.

We believe we have hard evidence of a dirty bulk.

Receipts from Krause’s office point to 1 thing

We asked hard gainer Slippy Toad what a dirty bulk is, and how this evidence might influence Krause’s campaign.

The idea of dirty bulk is simply to eat as much as possible, adhering to no real nutritional guidelines other than getting a heck ton of calories down your gullet. There is no distinction between junk food and health food. Calories are calories. Krause is a skinny SOB so the man’s gotta do what the man’s gotta do!

Krause has no qualms about eating at 2.5 star Applebee’s, or eating $141 worth of burgers in 1 visit.

However, we consider Krause to be the lesser of 4 evils in this race.

Ken Paxton refuses to post his gains (does he even lift?), Guzman is a woman, and Bush won’t stop urinating in people’s landscapes.

The choice in this race is clear. Matt Krause is easily the best candidate in the field.

As long as he starts his cutting cycle before Christmas, he’s guaranteed to stunt on the haters throughout the campaign, all the way through the General Election in 2022.