BREAKING: LUPE VALDEZ TO ANNOUNCE RUN FOR GOVERNOR?
Political experts across the world have been saying that an Abbott/Beto election would decide the fate of the free world for a thousand years.
What none of them could foresee is that an election won’t even technically be necessary, because the race is already over. It was over before it started.
Because LUPE is back.
You know she had to do it to ‘em
Twitter was buzzing on Thursday night as one user reportedly overheard at a bar that Lupe is planning a write-in campaign for Governor in the November elections.
People don’t just say things if they aren’t true in Texas politics.
Greg Abbott is reportedly fuming.
In case you were born yesterday, Lupe Valdez is like the Abraham Lincoln of the Democrats.
Lupe is a real patriot and kneels for the national anthem, not George Floyd’s neck
She’s gay.
She’s Latinx.
“Don’t laugh. It’s called ‘Latinx.”
She’s black.
Lupe performing an NWA song at a rap concert in 2018
She’s Mexican.
Lupe in the Mexican-American war
And she’s a homosexual to boot.
Lupe Valdez is a virgin, pure as the fresh fallen snow.
She claims she knows how to clean up corruption.
Other sources are telling us that Valdez was spotted at a Dallas Gay Nightclub, Station 4, along with LGBT activist Dade Phelan, discussing her upcoming announcement for a Gubernatorial write-in insurrection.
But we don’t need to wait for the election to celebrate this diverse victory for diversity.
Current Revolt’s team at our satellite location in Colima, Mexico, has caught wind that the cartels have begun a ballot stuffing operation and they’re filling out the ballots as we write this now.
Chairman Valdez after the last white man in Texas was found and convicted of trying to do MAGA
The cartel’s latest tactics involve using Haitians and Chinese as “ballot mules” with pre-filled ballots stuffed into their body cavities. Even if an immigrant can only stuff one ballot inside their bottoms, the sheer numbers of immigrants guarantee an easy victory.
A Valdez insider told Current Revolt, “It’s a done deal. Lupe has spent the last 4 years buying off the cartels. Beto has already conceded privately.”
Lupe Valdez is running on a campaign where she promises to fill the state capitol with giant gay Amazonian women and that all males will be purged from Austin in order to stop #metoo and defeat the patriarchy.
We reached out to Lupe Valdez for comment and she only had one thing to say:
“Get Vaccinated.”